Those three little words we are all aching to hear from our partner are said a lot. You know the words I’m talking about. “I love you.” People say it all the time to one another. But often times, they are said automatically, mechanically, and when that happens it lessens their meaning. If you are in a relationship and you have said those words to your partner and he hasn’t said them back, it can be embarrassing, awkward and painful. No one wants to be in a one-sided relationship, so when we tell our partners we love them, we hope to hear it back. We want them to love us too. Who wouldn’t?
As a big Seinfeld fan, I remember the episode when George tells Jerry he wants to let the woman he’s currently dating know that he loves her. Jerry tells George that saying “I love you,” to a woman is risky. It’s a big matzoh ball floating out there, and if she doesn’t say it back, it can be quite a blow. This is definitely true. If you are in the beginning stages of a new relationship, you don’t want to say the words too soon. Some men and women, have trouble accepting words of endearment, especially in a new relationship. Saying “I love you” too soon can sometimes backfire if the other person’s feelings don’t quite match yours.
A friend of mine has been in her current relationship for just under a year. She and her boyfriend met on a dating site, began a brief long distance relationship, and eventually she moved to his city to start a new job and of course to be with him. They make a very good couple and things between them seem to be moving along very well. However, she felt like she was falling in love with him, and when she told him, all he said was, “wow.” And he didn’t respond with anything more than that. Obviously, she was upset, but she also realized that he just wasn’t emotionally at the same level as she was.
She backed off, and their relationship continued to grow and evolve. It is often said that actions speak louder than words, and though my friend’s boyfriend would never say he loved her, it was apparent how he felt by how he treated her. Very lovingly. But still…we need to hear it. One Sunday afternoon, they were spending the day together, and he quietly told her that he loved her. “I love you,” he said. Simply. No-nonsense. He was finally able to acknowledge his feelings and verbalize them. Because she waited and never pushed him, those words meant so much to her. He wasn’t saying them because he felt he had to or because it was an automatic response. He was saying them because that’s how he felt.
Words don’t mean anything if there isn’t action behind them. So if you’re not quite ready to say things you don’t feel or don’t mean, you should wait. And if someone you care for isn’t saying them to you, just know they aren’t ready yet. But one day they will be, and it will mean so much more if you wait for it.
About the Author : This is a Guest Post from Debbie Lamedman who is a playwright and freelance writer who writes about online dating and relationships. Among some of the websites Debbie writes for is DatingSite.org. She also has a personal blog at Confessions of a Cluttered Mind.
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