Is Sibling Comparison that Bad? Sibling Rivalry and Differential Parental Treatment

Many of us as children have been victims of sibling comparison and partiality from Parents. Comparing one child to another or treating one kid differently from the other increases sibling rivalry as hostility is created in the mind of the child who feels inferior because of the unfair comparison. Each child is different and has both positives and negatives. By proper motivation and encouragement even the negatives can be turned into positives. But when a child is put down in front of the other it can not only poison the sibling relationship but also make the kid feel worthless, neglected and inferior. Many parents who do such comparisons are not aware of the effects of sibling comparison and do it because of their false notion that it is a good way to set a kid right. But the truth is such comparisons can make the affected child to nurture feelings of jealousy, anger and hatred towards the parents and the sibling who got the special treatment. So it is very important that sibling have to be treated fairly and not shown partiality.

Are you always praising one kid and insulting or putting down the other?
Do you put down your kid in front of his sibling or others by pointing out his negatives?
Do you pamper your younger child while you are strict with your older one?
Do you show discrimination based on gender of the children?

If the answer is ‘Yes’ to the Questions it’s time to stop right now before it is too late. Many times Sibling comparison or differential parental treatment can lead kids to getting into bad habits like drinking, drugs, stealing etc. It is the duty as Parents to show the child his or her mistakes and correct them but it should be done in a tactful manner that he or she does not feel inferior. Unfair comparisons to a sibling can also make a kid stop trying to better themselves when they find it difficult to live up to the accomplishment of the siblings. Many children do not forget the Parenting mistakes and hurt experienced in childhood even after they become adults and seek revenge or keep grudge on Parents or sibling. So as Parents it is best to eliminate comparison between kids and help them develop a positive and strong bonding with the sibling. Parents should remember that when they call a child ‘bad’ and ‘useless’ in front of a sibling or others they are actually encouraging the child to be really bad and useless.