Saying the 3 Little Words I Love You

                                                                  Photo Credit: istockphoto.com

Those three little words we are all aching to hear from our partner are said a lot. You know the words I’m talking about. “I love you.” People say it all the time to one another.  But often times, they are said automatically, mechanically, and when that happens it lessens their meaning. If you are in a relationship and you have said those words to your partner and he hasn’t said them back, it can be embarrassing, awkward and painful. No one wants to be in a one-sided relationship, so when we tell our partners we love them, we hope to hear it back. We want them to love us too. Who wouldn’t?

As a big Seinfeld fan, I remember the episode when George tells Jerry he wants to let the woman he’s currently dating know that he loves her. Jerry tells George that saying “I love you,” to a woman is risky. It’s a big matzoh ball floating out there, and if she doesn’t say it back, it can be quite a blow. This is definitely true. If you are in the beginning stages of a new relationship, you don’t want to say the words too soon. Some men and women, have trouble accepting words of endearment, especially in a new relationship. Saying “I love you” too soon can sometimes backfire if the other person’s feelings don’t quite match yours.

A friend of mine has been in her current relationship for just under a year. She and her boyfriend met on a dating site, began a brief long distance relationship, and eventually she moved to his city to start a new job and of course to be with him. They make a very good couple and things between them seem to be moving along very well. However, she felt like she was falling in love with him, and when she told him, all he said was, “wow.” And he didn’t respond with anything more than that. Obviously, she was upset, but she also realized that he just wasn’t emotionally at the same level as she was.

She backed off, and their relationship continued to grow and evolve. It is often said that actions speak louder than words, and though my friend’s boyfriend would never say he loved her, it was apparent how he felt by how he treated her. Very lovingly. But still…we need to hear it. One Sunday afternoon, they were spending the day together, and he quietly told her that he loved her. “I love you,” he said. Simply. No-nonsense. He was finally able to acknowledge his feelings and verbalize them. Because she waited and never pushed him, those words meant so much to her. He wasn’t saying them because he felt he had to or because it was an automatic response. He was saying them because that’s how he felt.

Words don’t mean anything if there isn’t action behind them. So if you’re not quite ready to say things you don’t feel or don’t mean, you should wait. And if someone you care for isn’t saying them to you, just know they aren’t ready yet. But one day they will be, and it will mean so much more if you wait for it.

About the Author : This is a Guest Post from Debbie Lamedman who is a playwright and freelance writer who writes about online dating and relationships. Among some of the websites Debbie writes for is DatingSite.org. She also has a personal blog at Confessions of a Cluttered Mind.

Keeping Your Relationship Strong

Photo by Mike Baird

Should relationships be hard? In a word, yes! Relationships are hard. Anything worth having is worth fighting for, don’t you think? And yes, negotiating the sometimes stormy waters of a relationship can definitely be difficult from time to time. But the difficult times should not be constant, and the relationship itself shouldn’t feel like work. If it does, perhaps you need to redefine what the two of you are looking for. How to keep your relationship strong?

It’s natural for two people in a relationship to not see eye-to-eye on everything. And that’s okay. You don’t have to agree upon everything. It actually keeps things within the relationship interesting and lively if you each have your own individual interests. But ultimately, if you want to keep the relationship moving forward, compromise and communication are the two most essential elements needed to keep your relationship sailing smoothly.

There are plenty of couples out there who have knock-down, dragged out fights, and they are completely and totally in love with each other. Fighting works for them. Other couples cannot weather a simple disagreement and break up when contention rises between them. Each couple is different and you and your partner need to find your own way for what works for you. You can read all the relationship books in the world, and many offer very helpful tools and tips to making your relationship work. But in the end, it comes down to what each of you want separately from the relationship along with what you want as a couple.

You and your own partner are on your own timetable. Don’t let anyone else dictate to you where you should be at three, six or twelve months in. You will be exactly where you are supposed to be. Two people and two people only are steering this ship—you and your partner. If you try to rush things before either one of you are ready, you are headed toward rocky territory. One of the biggest problems some couples face is getting too many opinions from their friends and family as to how to work out the difficult issues that arise. Work those issues out together—between the two of you. Getting multiple opinions from people outside the relationship will only serve to confuse things between you and your partner.

Obviously, if things have gotten out-of-hand and you’re hoping to salvage the relationship, you may consider seeing a professional counselor who can help the two of you work things out. But try to avoid involving friends or family which will only complicate matters. A professional relationship therapist is an impartial third party who will give be able to shed some perspective on the relationship and hopefully help you work out the issues which are causing difficulties between the two of you.

As previously stated, relationships are hard, and you need to stay committed and focused if you want your relationship to go the distance and succeed. But it shouldn’t be torture to be in a relationship. It should be fun and rewarding, enjoyable and loving. One suggested formula that seems to work as far as gauging the success of your relationship says if you are 100 percent happy with your relationship 50 percent of the time, you’re doing great. So learn to work things out, pick your battles and be sure to enjoy each other. Life is so much better when you can share it with someone you love.

About the Author: This is a Guest Post from Debbie Lamedman, a playwright and freelance writer. She currently contributes to various websites where she writes about relationships, online dating and dating services.