It wasn’t necessarily a mismatch, because you could tell there was some compatibility there. However, because one or both of you were at different places in life, perhaps holding on to different perspectives, or very challenging circumstances, a romantic match just wasn’t possible.
Usually, mistimed matches result because of one of these factors:
One or both of you was dating someone else
One or both of you didn’t quite understand the right way to flirt
There were personal or secular distractions
Your values (what you wanted in a mate) were different back then
One factor (perhaps insignificant now) kept you apart
Dramatic or traumatic circumstances broke you up
One of you moved away
Despite our best attempts to remove a person from our memory (which Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind proved was possible) we will occasionally think back to a lost romance and wonder—if things were different—if it would have worked out. The answer is neither as happy nor as fatalistic as you would have it.
So…Would it Have Worked Out?
There’s no sense in concluding that because the relationship didn’t work out that you were not destined to be together. Who knows? Perhaps the two of you would have been compatible. By the same logic, the two of you could have worked things out to a point, only to discover that you had other major problems to work through.
Therefore, it’s not practical to daydream of what could have been. Like any other relationship you’ve had, it’s very possible that this idealized match could have heated up and then fizzled out because of irreconcilable differences or tragic circumstances.
What matters is the person that you are now. We must all live in the present and accept that the past version of “us” is just a memory. Some people may find the very idea of tracking down an “old crush” very intimidating and rightfully so. In reality, you are not meeting the old, idealized person you once remember…you are meeting the person he or she has turned into, someone that could be very different from your memory and imagination.
That’s not to suggest that it’s a mistake to do a little research. Social media sites like Face Book and MySpace make it very easy to track down old high school loves, exes, crushes and cute acquaintances.
Anti-Climactic Meetings?
However, don’t be too crushed if your crush is less than welcoming—especially if you cyber-stalk this person by name and suddenly re-appear in his/her life. Some people dislike faces from the past, whereas others may not even remember you. If though you find another old softie like you, then enjoy the day of reminiscing.
Otherwise, it’s best to focus on the person you are today and the type of match you want to meet right now. If you love the idea of a forgotten lover (or crush) then instead of daydreaming about a reunion that will never happen, think about the qualities and traits that the old forgotten crush had that made you feel happy. These are the qualities you should be looking for today in someone that does match you in the present.
This common sense approach to dating will spare you lots of wistful heart-aching. Love who you are now and the journey you have taken. Let someone in without pretenses!
About the Author : This is a Guest Post by Danny who works for a dating start up called top 10 dating websites and provides Dating Comparison.
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