Dedicated to the One That Got Away

Guest Post by Danny

This article is dedicated to the one that got away, and I think you already know who I am talking about. Practically every person has a “one that got away”, that is, an ex-lover or perhaps a would-be lover that never quite materialized.  Maybe you met this person online or knew him or her in person. The problem was that the two of you were mistimed.

It wasn’t necessarily a mismatch, because you could tell there was some compatibility there.  However, because one or both of you were at different places in life, perhaps holding on to different perspectives, or very challenging circumstances, a romantic match just wasn’t possible.

Usually, mistimed matches result because of one of these factors:   

One or both of you was dating someone else     
One or both of you didn’t quite understand the right way to flirt     
There were personal or secular distractions     
Your values (what you wanted in a mate) were different back then     
One factor (perhaps insignificant now) kept you apart     
Dramatic or traumatic circumstances broke you up     
One of you moved away

Despite our best attempts to remove a person from our memory (which Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind proved was possible) we will occasionally think back to a lost romance and wonder—if things were different—if it would have worked out. The answer is neither as happy nor as fatalistic as you would have it.

So…Would it Have Worked Out?

There’s no sense in concluding that because the relationship didn’t work out that you were not destined to be together.  Who knows?  Perhaps the two of you would have been compatible.  By the same logic, the two of you could have worked things out to a point, only to discover that you had other major problems to work through.

Therefore, it’s not practical to daydream of what could have been.  Like any other relationship you’ve had, it’s very possible that this idealized match could have heated up and then fizzled out because of irreconcilable differences or tragic circumstances.

What matters is the person that you are now.  We must all live in the present and accept that the past version of “us” is just a memory.  Some people may find the very idea of tracking down an “old crush” very intimidating and rightfully so.  In reality, you are not meeting the old, idealized person you once remember…you are meeting the person he or she has turned into, someone that could be very different from your memory and imagination.

That’s not to suggest that it’s a mistake to do a little research.  Social media sites like Face Book and MySpace make it very easy to track down old high school loves, exes, crushes and cute acquaintances.

Anti-Climactic Meetings?

However, don’t be too crushed if your crush is less than welcoming—especially if you cyber-stalk this person by name and suddenly re-appear in his/her life.  Some people dislike faces from the past, whereas others may not even remember you.  If though you find another old softie like you, then enjoy the day of reminiscing.

Otherwise, it’s best to focus on the person you are today and the type of match you want to meet right now.  If you love the idea of a forgotten lover (or crush) then instead of daydreaming about a reunion that will never happen, think about the qualities and traits that the old forgotten crush had that made you feel happy.  These are the qualities you should be looking for today in someone that does match you in the present.

This common sense approach to dating will spare you lots of wistful heart-aching.  Love who you are now and the journey you have taken. Let someone in without pretenses! 

About the Author : This is a Guest Post by Danny who works for a dating start up called  top 10 dating websites and provides Dating Comparison.

Signs Single Women should watch out while Dating Online

Many Single Women are now turning to Online Dating to find their Mr. Right because of the immense popularity of internet dating sites and their ability to get access to a wide network of people. Most of these sites are totally free of charge for members to use. However, single women should exercise great caution while Dating Online. It is said that more than 70% of men in such sites are married or already in a relationship but on the lookout for easy sex and those involved in scams online. Be on the watch out for warning signs or signals while using such websites. It is there by best for women not to give too many personal details while chatting online or take the relationship forward before making double sure that the guy is indeed a genuine one. It is advisable that you get all of the details of the Guy first and then decide if they fit the bill or not.

I personally happen to know many men who are married, involved in a relationship or dating who are members of such sites. These types of Guys are in such sites looking for sex or extramarital affairs. Many such Guys may claim to be unmarried or divorced. Some warning signals would be unavailability of a photo on profile or much detail. They may tell you excuses like insecurity of online data and pictures and may promise to send you photo once you send your details. The actual fact is that these people are scared of been noticed by someone who already know them. Also such Guys may not give you their home number and may only give you a mobile number and say that you can only call them at work during normal working hours. They also may suggest that you meet them during lunch hours or office timings instead of weekends or evenings as they would not want to create suspicion in the mind of their actual partners. One of my friends who was dating a ‘sweet guy online’ and was very serious about him noticed when she met him for the first time in a mall for a coffee that he had the mark which comes from continuously wearing a ring on the wedding ring finger and confronted him about it. First he refused saying that it was some ring he wore astrologically. But after meeting a few more times he gave out more signals that he is not single and when she confronted him again he admitted that he is married but his spouse has made his life miserable and that she is still continuing the affair she had prior to marriage. He even went ahead and told her that he fell in love with her on first sight and then promised that he would get a divorce soon so that the two of them can get married and live happily ever after. My friend believed him again and by the time she realized that she was the home breaker and the wife of the guy was nothing like what the guy had described it was already late and she had broken her heart.

There is no foolproof method to know if a guy is genuine or not but many times what a Guy says or what he does not say may tell a lot more about him. Some things you can try is chat him on his messenger id and try to dig as much details from him before deciding to meet in person. Save chat summaries for reference later. After some time send him an invite to chat as another female with entirely different details and watch out his response. You may also take your friend’s assistance on this. Also try to get hold of his Social Networking or Micro blogging sites details and make friends with his female friends, check out his wall etc for suspicious signs. If he is not giving his other site id try googling his details. Many times, when you ask him a question which you have asked earlier you may get a different answer from him. Sometimes you would find contradictory details in his profile pages too which may be an indication that he is lying. In fact, you can find all sorts of people in Dating Sites. While some are after free sex (including phone or cyber sex addicts), some are after your money or for a job with your help or citizenship. Many times such men fall prey to another man pretending to be a woman which serves them right. Anyways, as a woman it is better to be cautious of the risks than regret later.

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Dating and Romance Scams

8 Must Read Tips before Dating Online 

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Internet Dating and Romance Scams - Warning Signs to Identify a Scammer

There are so many ways to meet and connect with people on the internet, such as social networking sites, chat rooms, dating sites, email, instant message and online personal advertisements. In addition to allowing you to interact and meet new people, these services also open you up to a world of people who may not really be looking for friendship, love or a relationship . . . what they really are looking for is your money.

Romance and Dating Scams are a growing problem in the world we live in. In these situations, the scammer plays on the potential victim's emotions. They know that the potential victim is looking for love or a strong relationship, so they use all of the right words to convince the potential victim that they truly care for them. Many of the scammers will use pictures found on others profiles or even modeling sites as their profile. They will also use a variety of fake names, and some scammers could be operating several "profiles" and names at once.

Many internet scammers will look at the profiles of their potential victims and use the information in their profile to hook them into their scam. For example, if someone was to mention in a profile on a dating website that they are a religious person the scammer will often proclaim that they feel like “God brought them together” which plays into the potential victims faith.

Once they believe that the potential victim is emotionally connected to them, they will tell them that they need money for some reason . . . they were in an accident and have medical and legal fees to pay or simply to pay for a plane ticket so that they finally meet in person. The scammer will ask the potential victim to wire them money, and sometimes will even promise to pay it back as soon as possible. Since the potential victim is emotionally invested in this relationship they want to do whatever they can to help out this person that they love.

If you are using the internet as a tool to find a new relationship, make sure that you learn the warning signs of Romance and Dating Scams such as
• They call you by the wrong name, or only call you “dear” so as to not mistakenly call you the wrong name.
• They claim to be in love with you after just a few emails.
• Conversations quickly go from love and relationships to asking for financial assistance.
• Details that they talk about do not match up with the information in their profile.
• They ignore or do not answer any of your personal questions about their life.
• They ask you for bank account information, or to open a bank account for them.
• They ask you to cash a check for them and wire then the money.
Finally, one of the best defenses that you have against these Internet Scammers is the internet itself. There are many websites where visitors can post information about scammers, and by running such a search on their name, email address or phone number you may find out that your new “love” is a scammer before they have the chance to destroy you both financially and emotionally.

This is a Guest Post by Shawn Mosch.Shawn Mosch is a scam victim turned Victim’s Advocate who, along with her husband Jeff, works to educate people about internet scams. After their personal experience with a counterfeit cashier’s check scam in 2002, Shawn spent countless hours searching for resources and support for victims of these scams. The lack of information and resources available at the time was the motivating factor in launching their website, ScamVictimsUnited.com, in 2003. Over the years Scam Victims United has worked with several media outlets on stories about scams and has been active in working with government agencies to increase awareness about scams, including a petition asking for the creation of scam education and awareness programs. Shawn is able to offer a unique perspective on internet scams because of her experience, and can also relate personally to scam victims. This allows her to offer education, resources and support while giving victims a sense of hope and encouragement that they will make it through their situation, because she is living proof that you can survive being a scam victim.

8 Must Read Tips for Navigating the Online Dating World

Not all relationships start out in a traditional way and now more than ever there are many singles dipping their toes into the online dating world. While this is a very viable option for those who have written off finding love at the corner bar or in the grocery aisle, there are definitely some things worth considering before plunging into online dating headfirst.

Here, 8 Tips for Navigating the World of Online Dating:

1. Choose a username that is both welcoming and easy to remember:Your username is how you will be known to the whole online dating service community so keep in mind a name like ScaryFreak might drive potential matches away, while ZumbaLover14AlMeil369 may appear incredibly confusing to someone trying to remember you.

2. Use a real photo of yourself that is flattering (and recent): No cheating here. Using a picture of your great-looking college roommate will not cut it, nor will using a photo of yourself from ten years ago. A simple snapshot featuring your winning personality will do the trick.

3. Be honest in your profile: State only facts that are true, important, and interesting. If the last book you read was a textbook in high school, don’t claim to be an avid reader just to lure a bookworm your way. Likewise, don’t claim to be a doctor if you’re really a nurse aide. Be truthful and forthcoming and you’re bound to get a more accurate match.

4. Add a little mystery: There’s no need to divulge every single quirk about yourself in your profile. The fact that you eat raisins every night for a bedtime snack is something you can probably keep to yourself, at least until you’ve found a match. The same is true for your grandma’s cat’s name, your best friend’s opinions of you and your irrational fear of squirrels.

5. Be respectful of others: If you get an email from someone who wants to get to know you better, respond in kind. If you’re not interested, say as much (gently, of course), but do not ignore the responder all together. Also keep newly interested parties informed of any new relationships you enter into out of respect for all involved.

6. Meet with a potential match on the phone (or via live video): If you’re ready to go beyond emailing, try setting up a phone call or video chat before meeting in person. This is a great way to explore each other’s demeanor without the pressures of meeting face-to-face.

7. Presentation counts – big time: When it’s time to meet in person (deep breath!), remember to put your best self forward. Nothing is a bigger let down than building someone up in your mind only to find out they don’t stack up. Eliminate that worry by dressing nicely, arriving fresh, clean and put together, and by being warm and friendly. And don’t forget to smile.

8. Be safe: Perhaps more important than any of the other tips is to always be on a heightened awareness and safety. Whether communicating with someone online, meeting them in person, or anything in between, always use caution. Do not give out sensitive personal information like when or where you will be alone, when your house will be empty, or the names, ages and schools of your children. Once your relationship progresses, this kind of information can be shared at will, but until then, keep mum about any specifics that could put you or your family in danger.

Remember, online dating can open a whole new world of options and can be a very enriching experience. By following these tips, you are another step closer to finding that special someone. Good luck and have fun!

This is a Guest Post by Liberty Kontranowski. He is a freelance writer and blogger with hundreds of articles published online and in print, covering everything from beauty tips to purchasing prescriptions online to sexual health to parenting, fashion, entertainment and more. Liberty is the newest member of the AccessRX team providing the highest quality articles.