The first 10 minutes into a date is the most crucial. Both people will generally decide within this time frame whether a second date is likely to eventuate, thus setting the tone for the rest of the date.
Recently published information by an Australian women's magazine, who polled their readers, indicated that 83% of first dates do not progress beyond the initial date. The failure of so many first dates may not depend on whether you're a potential match or not, many people tend to write off a date if there are no sparks or electrifying chemistry within the first few minutes of the date.
As a matchmaking consultant, I see people waste their opportunities to use these interactions as a time to learn and experience self-growth. Every date shouldn't be looked at as a means to an end, rather part of your journey. So if your date is lacking sparks, here's some tips to transform your date into something positive.
1. Don't go in with a negative attitude: Just because your previous date was a disaster doesn't mean you should take this experience into the next time you're dating someone new. If you have the initial attitude of "I hope he likes me" rather than "I bet this date will be a disaster", then you'll be far more open minded and in a better head space to determine how you really feel about him.
2. Determine 3 things you like about your date: Look for positives, not negatives - as most people automatically do. This could be things like the restaurant he chose, showing up to the date on time or his nice smile or eyes: what things do you like about him?
3. Give him a compliment: Do your part to settle the nerves and get things off to a positive note: Offer a compliment so he'll loosen up, give yourself the best chance to get to know his real personality. After all, a simple compliment is a very nice gesture.
4. Use each experience as practice: Let's face it, it's only a matter of time until your lucky number comes up, even though you probably don't see it that way right now, however use each date as a stepping stone until Mr. I love you walks through the door. Dating various people is a fantastic opportunity to become better at interacting and improving your social skills.
5. Lose your agenda: If he simply does not do it for you within the first 10 minutes, just relax and be open to what might come up. There could be some other opportunity arise you never dreamt of. A business opportunity or a new network of friends. Don't make the mistake of limiting yourself and closing off your options, there could be some other message you can take away from meeting new people.
6. Ask questions: But don't enter into negative territory and discuss how many awful people you've met online, or how much you hate your boss, or the state of the economy: you'll just sound like a drama queen. instead, talk about your dates interests, carry on with the phone conversation you had earlier, "Tell me more about your trip to LA"
7. Don't listen to those little voices in your head: You know the one's, those voices telling us we're not good enough, or this is a waste of time. When you start having these thoughts, do your best to clear your mind and again tell yourself "no, it's an opportunity I should not miss"
8. Let go of the control: The whole point of the date is to find out about your date, not yourself. Don't over analyse or start reading into things that possibly don't exist anyway. Pay attention to him, stop trying to read his mind, otherwise you run the risk of losing the man of your dreams.
9. Be nice, be empathetic: Your date probably has insecurities and concerns just like you. Try not to get hung up on some petty assumption you automatically think you could not live with. And regardless of how the date ends, leave him feeling good about himself and spread good karma in the process.
Most people are searching for a lifelong partner with whom they share a mutual and deep connection, one of adoration and trust. so until this time comes along, be the best person you can and respect each and every person you meet, it'll pay off in the end.
About the Author: This is a Guest Post by Matt Fuller who provides articles and resources relating to free dating sites, relationships tips for couples and online dating sites reviews for single people.
Photo Courtesy : Paul H Photography on Flickr
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