Becoming A Better First Date

Image by flickr user kevindooley

In this age of sexual freedom it is not all that uncommon for the first date to lead to sex. That puts added pressure on you and your date. Both men and women, understandably, can have anxiety due to worries about how they perform or how their bodies look “all natural”. There seems to be one thing neither party ever considers when on a first date and that is leaving sex out of the first date equation. Even if by some chance that idea does cross your or their mind, acting upon it or even bringing it up would not only be presumptuous but awkward no matter how subtle one tries to be. I believe many people, men and women alike, would probably appreciate one night out with someone they could be romantically interested in without having all the extra baggage.

Becoming a good first date means learning to read the subtle clues that are being sent your way. The problem with this is many times men either misread or completely fail to see the clues being sent. Often flirtation is taken to mean that the woman is really trying to go there. And on the other hand, culture has taken a turn and no longer encourages women to use the art of how to be coquettish without seeming promiscuous. How many times have you had a night with a total dud but still somehow ended up in bed and woke up wondering why?

One thing that can seriously make you a hit on a first date is to go somewhere apart from your both of your normal haunts. This is to avoid running into anyone from either of your regular social groups. There is enough pressure placed on a date for either party to try and impress. Meeting friends could lead to some very uncomfortable feelings and inevitably your friends will make the entire night a joke. Not to mention you probably want to avoid the embarrassing stories that will ensue; when with friends you no longer have control of how your story is told.

Don’t make a big thing of it but decide early on how things will be paid for. Traditionally the man has always picked up the tab but in today’s society it is perfectly acceptable to split the bill, especially on firsties. Of course fellas, in many cases the best way to make the greatest first impression is to try and pick up the whole tab; the chivalry will be remembered.

Even if your first impression of your date isn’t so hot, avoid talking down to them or coming across the least bit deriding. Give them a chance because you never know and doing so will certainly make sure there is not a second date. One other thing to consider is that you probably travel in similar circles and you never know who they may share their experience with. This may seem obvious but making lascivious comments about the opposite sex or those around you will also make a bad impression on any date, first or otherwise. At the other end of the spectrum, if you are head over heels don’t let it show. For some this might be an “easier said than done” situation but remember being needy and controlling is a red flag on a first date.

Finally, being a good listener and conversationalist is very important. What’s that saying… practice makes prefect or something…all kidding aside, you can prepare for the date by rehearsing a few non-invasive open ended questions. Open ended questions are great because they, by design, get the other person to not only open up but to also feel special and at ease. Make the first date one of fun and levity. Going on a date that involves the two of you in action like mini-golfing or bowling is a good way to begin. It gives you ways to interact and fill silent moments but still allows for those “getting to know you” conversations.

Anout the Author: Rick Valence has a vast array of writing interests that include fiction, non-fiction and how-to guides. Rick works Monday through Friday as a digital camera repair specialist at C.R.I.S. Camera Services in Chandler, Arizona. He is also the webmaster of his company's camera repair blog.