Becoming A Better First Date

Image by flickr user kevindooley

In this age of sexual freedom it is not all that uncommon for the first date to lead to sex. That puts added pressure on you and your date. Both men and women, understandably, can have anxiety due to worries about how they perform or how their bodies look “all natural”. There seems to be one thing neither party ever considers when on a first date and that is leaving sex out of the first date equation. Even if by some chance that idea does cross your or their mind, acting upon it or even bringing it up would not only be presumptuous but awkward no matter how subtle one tries to be. I believe many people, men and women alike, would probably appreciate one night out with someone they could be romantically interested in without having all the extra baggage.

Becoming a good first date means learning to read the subtle clues that are being sent your way. The problem with this is many times men either misread or completely fail to see the clues being sent. Often flirtation is taken to mean that the woman is really trying to go there. And on the other hand, culture has taken a turn and no longer encourages women to use the art of how to be coquettish without seeming promiscuous. How many times have you had a night with a total dud but still somehow ended up in bed and woke up wondering why?

One thing that can seriously make you a hit on a first date is to go somewhere apart from your both of your normal haunts. This is to avoid running into anyone from either of your regular social groups. There is enough pressure placed on a date for either party to try and impress. Meeting friends could lead to some very uncomfortable feelings and inevitably your friends will make the entire night a joke. Not to mention you probably want to avoid the embarrassing stories that will ensue; when with friends you no longer have control of how your story is told.

Don’t make a big thing of it but decide early on how things will be paid for. Traditionally the man has always picked up the tab but in today’s society it is perfectly acceptable to split the bill, especially on firsties. Of course fellas, in many cases the best way to make the greatest first impression is to try and pick up the whole tab; the chivalry will be remembered.

Even if your first impression of your date isn’t so hot, avoid talking down to them or coming across the least bit deriding. Give them a chance because you never know and doing so will certainly make sure there is not a second date. One other thing to consider is that you probably travel in similar circles and you never know who they may share their experience with. This may seem obvious but making lascivious comments about the opposite sex or those around you will also make a bad impression on any date, first or otherwise. At the other end of the spectrum, if you are head over heels don’t let it show. For some this might be an “easier said than done” situation but remember being needy and controlling is a red flag on a first date.

Finally, being a good listener and conversationalist is very important. What’s that saying… practice makes prefect or something…all kidding aside, you can prepare for the date by rehearsing a few non-invasive open ended questions. Open ended questions are great because they, by design, get the other person to not only open up but to also feel special and at ease. Make the first date one of fun and levity. Going on a date that involves the two of you in action like mini-golfing or bowling is a good way to begin. It gives you ways to interact and fill silent moments but still allows for those “getting to know you” conversations.

Anout the Author: Rick Valence has a vast array of writing interests that include fiction, non-fiction and how-to guides. Rick works Monday through Friday as a digital camera repair specialist at C.R.I.S. Camera Services in Chandler, Arizona. He is also the webmaster of his company's camera repair blog.

How To Find A Boyfriend Sooner Then Later

Being single isn't fun. If you're single and have been for a while, there's probably a reason for that. There is always the chance that you're single because you want to be, but considering you're currently reading a dating blog, I doubt that. You want a boyfriend, so why isn't one coming along? Well, the most common causes for lonelyville are:

~Being too shy to go out and meet someone
~Not meeting enough guys

The second point is the one we're going to look at today, as the other point is already covered considerably on this website. So without any further ado, let's get into it.

Meet As Many Guys As Possible
When it comes to getting a boyfriend sooner rather than later, there's one thing you need to do: You need to meet as many guys as possible! The thing is, not every guy you meet will be a good match for you. They may live to far for you to make it a proper relationship, or you may simply share different views on life. What ever the case is, it's really not going to work.

Now imagine you only met one guy a week. That's four chances a month to find a guy that's good for you, and if none of those is a match you've wasted a whole month! If however you met four guys a week, you're saving three weeks of you time. Met seven guys a week and you'll most likely find a man sooner then later!

Where Do You Meet These Guys?
Now I know what you're thinking, where are you supposed to meet seven guys a week? I'm sure your schedule's packed up from working or studying? Fear not ladies, where there's a will there's a way. My advice would be to meet guys via as many avenues as possible. You could go out a couple of times at the weekend, and in the week try your hand at online dating. Online dating is great as it allows you to meet and talk to guys from the comfort of you own home. It also allows you to meet a lot more guys then normal, so it's exactly what we're looking for.

When you go out on the weekend, make sure it's not always to the same old place. You want to go to a few different bars (Not necessarily on the same night) and various events. Comedy nights, live shows and festivals are all good places to meet someone. At the end of the day, the more you get out, the more chance you'll meet someone.

So if you're bored of being single and want to find a man asap, remember it's all about the numbers! Good luck.

About The Author: This was a guest post by Lucy at How To Get A Boyfriend, a dating blog for girls that want a boyfriend fast!

Why should I get Married? Is Marriage a Necessity?

The other day I was talking to a friend who is 35 and still unmarried when he is plans to get married with his live in girlfriend he asked me, 'Is marriage a necessity?' I replied, 'No, You can be Single and Happy too.'

The institution of marriage is increasingly threatened in our society because of live in relationships where a guy and girl live together under one roof without the ties or responsibilities of marriage. Let us not forget that Marriage is not a new concept but has been around for thousands of years as the way of celebrating the love and commitment between a man and a woman. I am of the opinion that if an individual is not ready to take up the responsibilities which comes along with marriage he or she should not attempt it.

Marriage is a 'lifestyle choice' and not a 'default option'. However, there are several benefits of Marriage. So, why marriage is so important? What is it that makes Marriage a necessity for many?

Unmarried Women, after a certain age, are not treated well by the society. So it becomes a necessity for them to get married to gain the acceptance of society. Moreover, men in love would not want to lose their girlfriends so they would prefer to get married to them.

When you want children you do not want them born out of wedlock. How much ever the society is advanced children of unmarried parents is not treated well. So it is not wrong to say that marriage promotes the common good by building families and raising children.

When you are single you tend to get into immoralities and bad habits. Marriage can make an individual more responsible and also help to be a better person because you know that there is someone who cares for you and whose life is depends on you.

Marriage helps one to gain social acceptance and legal rights apart from the feel of security that there is someone for you who cares for you and with whom you can share your happiness and sorrow.

By getting married you get a steady and loving life partner who has social and religious acceptance. With the number of sexually transmitted diseases and dangers it is better to have only one partner for sex.

It is known that married people have a longer life expectancy than someone who is Single.

The above given are a few Benefits of Marriage to prove that the institution of marriage is worth safeguarding. However, many people tend to be scared of getting married because they have seen the unhappy marriage of someone who is known to them. Just because there are miserable relationships does not mean that you would have an unhappy marriage too.

This is my Article Published on EzineArticles.
http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Anamika_S 

Why Being Single is a better option than getting married

Many people are these days preferring to be Single than getting married. Some of the reasons which make being single or having a live in relationship a more attractive option than marriage are lack of responsibility and freedom. Many of my Single friends swear that there are more benefits of being Single than there are in getting married.

So, what are the benefits of being Single? Why being single is a better option than getting married? Some of the reasons for being single are listed below.

Fewer Responsibilities

More Freedom

More time for friends and Hobbies

Fewer Expenses and more money in hand to spend

Less Stress

No sharing of Space or belongings

More time to concentrate on Career or Studies

No one to interfere with life

No one to be answerable for

No need to be conscious about appearance or looks

No need to compromise with choices.

Freedom to do whatever pleases you.

No need to bother about forgetting important days or using birth control.

No one would feel threatened or insulted if you use a Vibrator.

…

There is nothing wrong in being Single. Being single does not mean being lonely, depressed or being a failure. At least by being Single you can be happy with who you are, not what he or she wants you to be. But many of those who prefer ‘being Single’ and do not want to get married are those who have witnessed people staying in an unhappy marriage. There is no doubt that Single life can be exciting but there is no guarantee to that. In the same manner just because someone you know have a miserable relationship does not mean that you would have one too. One on my Online friends commented on my article about Being Single and Happy that “Single and young, yes. Single and old, no.  Single and sick, no. Single parent, never.” I should agree that his observation is quite right too.

Related Article


Is Marriage a Necessity

Notes on the F-Word: Victorian Values in 2010

It would be a decided slight to the women who actually endured Victorian Britain to suggest that the modern-day experience of womanhood is, in any physical sense, all that comparable. Access to education, political expression and meaningful employment opportunities were not luxuries afforded to the lady-folk of the period and their painfully prescribed existence perhaps explains why the works of Edith Nesbit, Henrik Ibsen and the Bronte sisters were, originally, so frostily received. Fancy having the audicity to suggest that women are able to act, think and speak independently and without any consent, invitation or supervision from a dashing male counterpart? That they can make a legitimate contribution to society without getting married and having babies. The very idea!

Suffrage and the 1918 and 1928 acts allowing women in Britain to vote did, in many ways, mark the beginning of a new-found social freedom for the female of the species. And yet, alas! Three waves of feminism later I still can't help but feel that for all the rhetoric, for all the bills passed about parliament, for all the Equal Opportunities forms on which I've put a cross in the 'F' box under 'Sex' (resisting the urge to scribble the words 'Oooh yes please' childishly in the margin) some of that suppresive Victoriana sentiment has survived. Modern-day corsets may not come in the explicit form of ornate lace bodices but that doesn't mean that we are not still living in the 'Doll's House.' Contemporary constraints are shrewder, sneakier; bordering, in fact, on the subconscious - but they are still there.

At present, for example, I feel it is almost impossible to open the Sunday paper without reading an article on why it is important to settle for any man rather than no man on the approach to turning thirty or how, as a woman, you never truly realise your life's purpose until you've given birth. These editorials always, startlingly, have female bylines printed beneath them, but I, of course, remain unconvinced. It's all one big George Eliot style conspiracy. Such articles are obviously written by the male descendents of Victorian Lords wanting to keep women in their place where they belong. I don't know if my hackles are raised merely because I'm their target audience: female, unmarried and pushing thirty but there seems to have been a glut of them lately and they are, at least to my eyes, most nauseating in nature.

Of course that alone is not enough to suggest that we are all just next-generation Noras and Torvalds...but wait! There's more. Even the words used to describe single men and women have positive and negative connotations respectively. The word bachelor, first used to describe a single man by Chaucer, is suggestive of somebody at the beginning of their life's career; yet to achieve great things. Spinster on the other hand, a word stemming from descriptions of spinning women in the sixteenth century, evokes a person who is lowly, destitute and possibly even redundant of any further use. Additionally, in order to 'have it all' these days women must have a successful career, a man and a baby in tow; accomplishment in employment alone is not sufficient to suggest success. Not for a woman anyway. Plus: ever noticed how books, films and TV shows portray unattached women as outcasts, depressives or man-eating temptresses who, rather literally, fill the void with unearthly amounts of sex? (Anne Yeo, Louise Sawyer, Susana Kaysen, Miss Bates, Bridget Jones, Elliot Reid and poor old Miss Tonks - the list goes ever on). Coincidence that they happen to be uninterested in/ unable to secure a marital union? I think not.

I realise, in my plight to convince you in eight hundred words that Victorian values have filtered down, if only in a diluted form, through the ages, that I may be coming across as somewhat anti-marriage. In fact this is not true at all. Marriage is fantastic...if it's entered into for the right reasons. The right reasons do not include: because you're turning thirty (or insert relevant milestone), because you want a baby or because you feel you will somehow be incomplete/inadequate unless you drag some unwitting fool down the aisle. Do not be deceived by the convenient social veneer we have constructed in the name of political correctness. Look close enough and you will see that most relationship editorials, advertisements, plot-lines and, in fact, just about every ounce of media output transmits the underlying message that a woman's rightful place is at a man's side where he can cast his sinewy shadow over her. If you're not in that position then, let's face it, there must be something fundamentally wrong with you and your life. You'd better buy that product/marry the wrong person/get pregnant, and fast! Or not.

In the wise old words of my Grandma: 'Better you be on the shelf than in the wrong cupboard.' I may have spent most of my years 'on the shelf' dusting myself off from various heart-aches and breaks but at least I won't find myself captive in an unbearably confined living situation for the rest of my days. As April Wheeler, Bertha Rochester and Laura Brown found out the hard way marriage is for life, not just for the photographs.

This is a Guest Post from Helen Cox. She is a photo-taking, book-loving, film-obsessed columnist and copywriter from North London. She is currently teaching English at a challenging school on the outskirts of the city whilst finishing her first novel.

Is Marriage Toxic for Women?

Many are saying that marriage is toxic to the modern woman. Due to that general idea, many people are beginning to live together rather than marry. Elizabeth Gilbert, an author, claims that her research shows that marriage causes women to be less successful, less healthy, more depressed and more likely to die a violent death. She calls it the “Marriage Benefit Imbalance,” because men, on the other hand, benefit both physically and mentally from being married. This comes from the argument that women are not valued, like men, for their work inside the home. Men are valued for their paid work outside the home. Even Gilbert, however, ends up getting married. The “marriage Benefit Imbalance” idea was first introduced by Jessie Bernard in 1982 in The Future of Marriage. Did this book create a myth, or is it the truth? We know for sure that she thought marriage was great for men, awful for women.

Women are taking things into their own hands in response. Living together instead of marriage is one option women are choosing. Developing their “outside” careers is another. Promoting their own independence in terms of future planning and current finances. Women today are going so far as to have children via sperm donation or adoption in order to avoid the complications of  romantic relationships. All of this leads to “needing” marriage less.

Many women, however, still want to be married. They are, in general, waiting for an older age to marry. True, abusive marriages are wrong – but they are not the rule. True, many single women have wonderfully fulfilling lives. Is marriage a bad thing? Not if you know what you are getting when you marry. You need to know what marriage will and won’t do. You need to know, as a couple, what marriage will be like. What are the expectations in terms of housework, children, religion, and money? Both parties need to communicate what they want, and what they think they’re getting. If there are differences they must be worked through prior to the marriage. Getting married thinking “we’ll work it out later,” or “I can change his or her mind later,” just won’t fly. That is a recipe for disaster. A great idea would be premarital counseling to work through the issues. If you can’t agree on the issues, don’t get married.

Is marriage toxic for women? Possibly. It’s possible that it’s merely toxic for those who don’t prepare with their potential spouse properly.

This is a Guest Post from Sarah Harris. She is the Marketing Manager at Adiamor Engagement Rings. Adiamor offers a large selection of engagement ring settings, affinity diamonds and other fine diamond jewelry at affordable prices.