Wanted a Fair Skinned Bride

We often see matrimonial ads looking for fair skinned bride. In the marriage market fair skinned brides are of great demand and if the girl is a little dark then it is difficult for getting a groom. Recently there was a report of a dark skinned girl been tortured and thrown out by the in-laws barely days after her marriage with their son because of her dark skin. If the girl is dark then she is a constant worry to her parents especially in India. The grooms parents also seem to keep more demands in terms of dowry if the girl is dark skinned and the parents of the bride also meet these demands because of fear of society and making the girl sit at home even after marriageable age. Even dark skinned guys only seem to want to get married to fair skinned girls. What is more, dark-skinned girls are often discriminated not only by society but also at their own homes. It is a pity that we Indians call ourselves a united country but openly discriminate based on caste, language, sex, colour, creed, place of origin and anything else we can think of. While I do not support evils of the society like domestic violence and dowry I also think one should stop discriminating based on skin colour. 

When will our notion that Fair is beautiful-dark is ugly end? When will the obsession for fair skin end? Does light skin always mean beautiful skin?  Will their ever be any value to the beauty of the mind or character? Unfortunately the marriage market is not the only place where a dark skinned faces a problem. Dark skinned girls also seem to face problems in getting jobs. Fortunately, some how some dusky complexion girls have made a mark in the film, television and fashion industry giving a ray of hope for other girls who are not fair skinned. The television advertisements also promote the concept that ‘fair is beautiful’. That’s why you see advertisements daily on television or other Medias about various skin beauty products like face creams, lotions or soaps claiming to make one fair in 14 days or even 7 days by exploiting the mentality of society that one has to be fair skinned to be beautiful. Many spend a substantial part of their earnings on fairness products and treatments. However, not everyone can be Michael Jackson to do high cost treatments. Dark skinned girls are under tremendous pressure to succumb to the fair and beautiful complex which may often lead to depression, inferiority complex, low esteem and mental disorders. We also recently had Television Shows like ‘Bidaai’ which is the story of two sisters (one fair skinned and the other dark skinned) on Star Plus which showed the discrimination based on skin.

While the external beauty also matters to some extent, I think, the real beauty is what is within and how you feel about yourself. There is a saying ‘If you feel that you are beautiful, you are’. There is nothing to be ashamed because you are dark but be proud of what you are and your inner qualities.

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Is Marriage Toxic for Women?

Many are saying that marriage is toxic to the modern woman. Due to that general idea, many people are beginning to live together rather than marry. Elizabeth Gilbert, an author, claims that her research shows that marriage causes women to be less successful, less healthy, more depressed and more likely to die a violent death. She calls it the “Marriage Benefit Imbalance,” because men, on the other hand, benefit both physically and mentally from being married. This comes from the argument that women are not valued, like men, for their work inside the home. Men are valued for their paid work outside the home. Even Gilbert, however, ends up getting married. The “marriage Benefit Imbalance” idea was first introduced by Jessie Bernard in 1982 in The Future of Marriage. Did this book create a myth, or is it the truth? We know for sure that she thought marriage was great for men, awful for women.

Women are taking things into their own hands in response. Living together instead of marriage is one option women are choosing. Developing their “outside” careers is another. Promoting their own independence in terms of future planning and current finances. Women today are going so far as to have children via sperm donation or adoption in order to avoid the complications of  romantic relationships. All of this leads to “needing” marriage less.

Many women, however, still want to be married. They are, in general, waiting for an older age to marry. True, abusive marriages are wrong – but they are not the rule. True, many single women have wonderfully fulfilling lives. Is marriage a bad thing? Not if you know what you are getting when you marry. You need to know what marriage will and won’t do. You need to know, as a couple, what marriage will be like. What are the expectations in terms of housework, children, religion, and money? Both parties need to communicate what they want, and what they think they’re getting. If there are differences they must be worked through prior to the marriage. Getting married thinking “we’ll work it out later,” or “I can change his or her mind later,” just won’t fly. That is a recipe for disaster. A great idea would be premarital counseling to work through the issues. If you can’t agree on the issues, don’t get married.

Is marriage toxic for women? Possibly. It’s possible that it’s merely toxic for those who don’t prepare with their potential spouse properly.

This is a Guest Post from Sarah Harris. She is the Marketing Manager at Adiamor Engagement Rings. Adiamor offers a large selection of engagement ring settings, affinity diamonds and other fine diamond jewelry at affordable prices.