How can I Trust someone who cheated on me before?

Recently I had a talk with a friend who walked out of her Husband and was staying with her family after catching him red handed with another woman. My friend who works in Senior Management level with a Bank arrived one day early after her tour and decided to surprise her husband who also is a Top Executive with an MNC only to get surprised herself. She found him in Bed with someone half his age and when she confronted him about it he admitted that he was having an affair with the girl for over 2 years and pleaded her not to leave him. Shattered by his revelation my friend left the House and went to her Mom’s only to be scolded and instructed to go back to her Husband. According to her Mother Guys are Guys and they do get carried away at times and now that he has promised to leave the girl and be faithful to her she should go back to him. Her Family was more concerned about the family reputation and what others would think than their own daughters hurt.

In fact my friend had forgiven her husband few years ago after finding that he had spend a night with a colleague while on tour after he told her that he would not repeat the mistake. After constant pressure from family and relatives to patch up and get back to her husband now my friend has moved out of her Parent’s place and is staying alone in another Apartment and also has filed for a Divorce. My friend had so much bitterness in her voice when she said ‘Once a cheat, always a cheat’ when talking about her husband.

Can I really Trust my Partner after he had an Affair? How Do You Trust someone that has cheated on you twice? Should I stay with my Boyfriend who cheated on me after saying that he would never do anything like that? How do I learn to trust someone who cheated on me? How do I know he is being truthful this time? He has cheated on me once, will he do it again? I often get such mails asking for relationship advice. All I have to say is it depends on the situation.

When most people advice to salvage the relationship and get back to the spouse by forgiving him, I have mostly been against this especially when the breakup is due to infidelity or domestic violence and abuse. When the break up happens due to misunderstandings or involvement of in laws etc majority of times the relationships could work again but when it is due to serious issue like cheating and abuse it is noticed that majority of times despite of patching up they do not survive and results in more hurt and pain. No matter how much you try when a marriage or love relationship breaks up because of these reasons it is almost impossible to gain the trust and beauty of the relationship again. Many spouses even though they say that they have forgiven their Partner for the cheating rarely are able to forgive the spouses from their heart and when quarrels happen they bring the topic again thereby opening the old wounds again. So if you cannot forgive and forget the mistake then I would say not to attempt to patch up with the Spouse. It is better to accept the break up and move on with life.

We all do make mistakes and are many times forgiven for them too. Similarly, if someone makes a mistake the first time I think that person should be given a second chance. But if he had made the mistake earlier too then there are a few things one should consider before giving that person a second chance. I would even say that majority of times Getting Back to an Ex may be a Mistake.

Is he/she genuinely sorry for his/her deed?
Would he/she cut all the ties with the person they had an affair with?
Is he/she willing to seek Counseling and advice from a Relationship Expert?

All the points given above are very important if you are thinking of beginning a relationship all over again as building trust again after your partner had an Affair is not an easy thing to do. If the answer is ‘Yes’ to the above questions then maybe there is a chance that your relationship could be salvaged and made to work and counseling could play an important part in it to understand each other better.

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