What you Learn about a Partner when things go Wrong

Sometimes life does not go as planned. Every so often we all get flat tires, delayed by train strikes, leaks in the roof, and unexpected illnesses. There are thousands of things that can go wrong in our day to day lives and it’s only natural that sometimes they do just that- usually at the worst possible time.

As we grow up and become adults we learn to deal with the times when it all goes wrong. This is part of growing up and becoming independent. It’s one thing to cope on your own when life is proceeding according to plan and another thing entirely when it takes an unexpected turn for the worse, in whatever way. By the time we reach adulthood everyone has their own ways of dealing with minor crises and major catastrophes.

Not all those ways are equal. Consider the flat tire. Some people will sigh and get on with fixing it as best they can. Some will be more prepared than others, knowing that they have a spare in good working order and all the necessary tools. Some will call for roadside assistance to help them, even if it means waiting for hours. That could be because they don’t know how to change a tire or because they don’t like getting their hands dirty. Some people will lose their temper and have a good tantrum before doing anything.

You probably have a good idea what you’d do under the circumstances (even if you’re not willing to admit it out loud). What you might not know is how your new partner would react. Stress rubs us raw and brings out what’s underneath- frustration, insecurity, unhappiness or just maybe, reserves of patience and strength.

There is no way of knowing how someone will react when things go wrong, until they go wrong. Now I’m not saying you should look for an opportunity to cause some chaos or welcome it when it arrives of its own accord- as it certainly will sooner or later- but seeing a potential long term partner reacting to difficult circumstances gives you information about who they are and where their strengths and weaknesses lie. After the rough patch is over have a think about how both of you reacted. Did you work together to solve the problem? Was he or she supportive, and could you be supportive back? Did he or she stay calm under pressure and keep their temper in check?

If the answer to all those questions is a ‘yes’, you might have a keeper. If they had a yelling, screaming tantrum over something you consider small and fixable like a flat tire, bear in mind that may be their coping strategy for more significant problems too. If you felt you couldn’t cope with a major disaster and they were there for you, that’s a huge plus. If they weren’t emotionally available when you needed them to be this time, the chances are that they won’t be in the future.

We can learn a lot when things go wrong, about how to cope better next time and what’s really important in life, but also about the people we’re with when it all goes pear shaped. Staying calm in a crisis is an incredibly valuable characteristic in a partner. If you can work through day to day problems together you’ll have a much better chance of standing up to the big stuff hand in hand.

About the Author : Jess Spate works as a sustainable business consultant for a number of companies making and selling everything from garden fountains to down jackets. She lives in Cardiff, UK, and writes non-fiction in her spare time.

Romancing a Loved one with Custom Jewelry

Jewelery is inextricably linked with romance. As a gift, jewels have always meant something special and personal. Giving someone a beautiful thing is about as romantic as you can get. Special rings and custom made jewelery are also important gifts, meaning the relationship has moved to another level. With modern technology and a new generation of jewelers, romance has also taken on a new lease of life in customized jewels, and some are pretty spectacular. 

Jewels, Meanings and Romance

Custom jewelery is ideal for the truly special gift. A custom design can refer to an event or shared experience, something that only the giver and recipient understand. The custom jewelery commemorates that secret moment or deep shared personal event. This is really a lovers code, incomprehensible to others, which makes it even more fun.For a really romantic gift, there are almost no limits. The most beautiful graphic designs can be turned into jewelery with the help of a skilled jeweler. 

Custom made Jewelery, Basics

Custom made jewelry is jewelry made to your specifications. It’s also a good excuse for jewelers, who are trained in design as part of their fundamental skills, to show what they can do. This is how custom jewelry is made:

Custom made jewelery is based on a special design concept.

You meet with the jeweler, and explain your idea. (Bring a visual design, if you have one, to help explain what you want. The more specific you are, the better, and the jeweler will be able to reproduce your design more efficiently.)

The jeweler costs the materials and labor, and gives you a quote and time frame. (Note: Complex designs really can take a lot of time. Jewelers may have to work with gems and other materials which have to be cut and shaped very precisely. For things like diamond rings, a fitting may be required.)

If you OK the quote, the jeweler will make the design as specified.

Jewelery design concepts
 
The more thought and planning you put into your design idea, the better the result is likely to be. Many jewelery designs include a range of issues:

Precious metals: Do you want gold, platinum, white gold or another metal as the base of your design?
Gems: What are your preferred gemstones and color schemes? 

Matching pieces: Do you want matching pieces, like a ring and a necklace with the same design, or perhaps a brooch? (This approach can include a piece containing the design in clear perspective, and matching pieces having the design in miniature.)
Inscriptions: A statement, a single word, or a name are common inscriptions. The rule of thumb is that you can have whatever you can fit on the metal. Anything is possible, if the jeweler says it can be done.
 
A Truly Romantic Gift

The result will be a unique gift, unlike anything else in the world. That’s one of the reasons custom jewelery is so romantic. It’s a special thing between two people. It really is better to give than to receive.

Article dedicated to girls/women who brokeup with their lover

In the recent days,there are many cases of breakups...There might be various reasons for this but later on i felt that girls,women and ladies are having the maximum pain in such issues.. So keeping them in mind,i just wanted to write something for them..To all the female readers of my blog,here is a small article dedicated to you... Click read more...!!


Most people know that unexplored emotional package of feelings carried over from a prior relationship often immediately avoid even the best of new love interests. The problem is that most people don’t know how to leave it behind, get clear, and move forward--so we get right back into the same crappy relationship that we just got out of.

1. The Embrace change
Start by embracing change. Inevitably, the good, bad, and in-between times of relationships are made up of experiences that change your world. The reason men and women bounce between relationship failures is a result of an inability to embrace change. Maybe they’ll come back? Maybe they are just not ready? The situation doesn’t matter. Life is different now. Life will be different in the future. It is a good thing. Embrace it. Every second spend dwelling in the “what ifs'” of the past are moments not experienced in your spectacular new life. Life is always more thoroughly enjoyed from front seat of the locomotive than standing in the caboose. Find a way to face forward.

2. The Urge to get rid of him/her
Initiate change in simple ways. Start by rearranging your furniture and cleaning the clutter. Switch out some old picture frames. Find a new shower curtain. Look for a shiny new coffee maker. Even subtle shifts can make you feel more alive. The true root of past relationship discontent and resentment is actually not from your ex’s hours on the couch watching football, but from the stagnation that it represents. Changing things up will give a feeling of movement and growth. Even more, it will give you a clean home to come back to if emotional fireworks erupt on your dinner date with your new prospective partner.

Then on to your closet. Everything that has not been warn in the last 6 months goes in the donation pile. Bringing a friend who supports you is always a good idea. The process is much easier with a good girlfriend to set you straight when you start to get sentimental about the dress worn on your first date with the guy who left you 6 months ago... Trust me, there is a woman at Goodwill right now just waiting to give it a whirl on another first date. Get rid of it. Physical liberation results in mental liberation. Let your past self make room for who you’ve become.

Streamline your finances. Take the time and go online and find a site that allows you to pay all your bills in one place at one time. Envelopes and stamps are a pain in the ass anyway. Knowing exactly where you stand financially makes you appear empowered rather than needy. Especially in today’s economy, guys are looking for a financial partner, not a financial liability.

3. The Check In
Get clear on what happened in the last relationship that caused it to fail. This process is not at all about blaming yourself or your partner; it’s about education. If you were too overbearing or pushed too hard for commitment, take note and ease up a bit on the next guy. No problem. No blame. Men find an independent woman sexy--as long as they still want a man from time to time.

When the last guy had issues he needed to deal with, leave it at that. It’s much like my favorite Seinfeld episode where George goes into a fit when his girlfriend turns the tables and exits the relationship with the standard male exit strategy, “It’s not about you. It’s me” For men, this is often times actually true. It takes us a little longer to make sense of emotionally charged situations and sometimes retreat is the only way we know to make sense of it all. Let it go and move on. It is his loss. 9 out of 10 guys who say it’s over really mean it’s over. Then if he actually comes back after retreat, he’ll have to grovel back to a whole new woman who knows exactly what she wants.

4. The Declare & Have Faith
Then Declare your desires to the Universe. They can be spoken aloud, or just in your own head. The important part is just putting them out there.

Focus in detail on what you want. His laugh. The way he looks at you from across the room. The smell of his cologne. Then imagine how great it will feel to finally share the love that you’ve always wanted, forget about it, and go about your day.

Think of all the things you want in a man for a few minutes each day and then trust that your intention will be fulfilled. Modern men are drawn to women who know what they want and have the conviction to make it a reality. Knowing what you want doesn’t make you a bitch, it makes you rich with self love. Often misinterpreted; desire, faith, and persistence are the backbone to any successful match. Without them, you are at the mercy of the wants and desires of everyone else, whose desires obviously may not be the same as yours. There is nothing wrong with taking control of your destiny. In fact, it is the only way.

5. Opposites Attract, then Always Re-tract
Ever met a guy who seemed mysterious and attractive because his occupation or hobbies were the extreme opposite of yours? His intriguing conversation about things you’ve never discussed before made you feel alive and left you wanting more? You realized you are complete opposites in every way, but can’t help but want to feel the romanticism of Jerry Maguire as he whispered to Rene Zellweger.

Complete bullshit.
Relationships built around opposite lifestyles burn bright and burn fast, yet leave everyone in the darkness before long.
I realize there is about .001% of the population who have actually found a way to make an ‘opposite attraction’ last the test of time, however, for the rest of use rookies in love, it is a disaster waiting to happen.
Men do not change. So be sure that his life as a traveling comedian is something that you can endure even after you’ve memorized all of his punch lines.
Focus on what really matters to you and leave the intrigue of an opposite lifestyle in the friendship zone.

6. Reverse the Curse of the involvment
It has long been argued that the problem between men and women can be summarized by the following statements,
Women get involved with men with the subconscious understanding that their man will change over time...
Men get involved with women with the subconscious understanding that their woman won’t ever change...
And in the end, both sides are left disappointed.
Why?
It is because we all try to be something that we are not in the courting phase and then slide into ‘who we really are’ over time. Why not just stop the charade and get real?

As a generalization, I have observed that in the relationship arena, most women are fueled by emotion, driven by love, and exalted by romance.
While generally men on the other hand, are fueled by a physical urge, driven by lust, and exalted by a beer and roll in the hay.
Yet, just because we seem to want different things, in the end it is all about feeling loved.

So...just love.
It’s not that simple you say?

Sure it is. If you are honest and forthright about who you are, where you are going, and what you expect from a relationship, what can go wrong? No games. No lies. No waiting five days before returning a phone call. Just be real. Modern movies and media have glamorized a ‘player’ type approach to relationships that is part of the reason half of us end up in divorce court. It is not working. Stop the games and get back to the simple desire of every human being...to love and be loved.

The worst case scenario is that you will find out sooner than later that it won’t work and move on. What’s wrong with that?

Declare your desire in love, have faith, be real, and if what you see isn’t what you want, move on and love yourself enough to hold out for the real thing.

So dear women readers,please dont take anything to heart....Just recover from the incidents that have happened and lead a normal life..Keep rocking..!

Regards,
Sriram Mallik.

River wallpaper

River wallpaper

Turtle wallpaper

Turtle wallpaper

The Curse of the Dreaded Ex...

No smoke without fire

As this old saying points out "there is no smoke without fire", or how about "there is no such thing as a free lunch"? Possibly the most fitting of phrases translates as: "There is no fool like an old fool." What all these age-old idioms are trying to say is expect the expected. When embarking on new beginnings, there is always a past creeping up behind you. The new beginning is your relationship, the creep is the ex.

And what is it that manifests a nightmare ex? How and why do they strike? And when they do, how do you handle it? 

A thorn in your side
An inheritance can be a positive that comes out of a negative occurrence. Someone passes and it is your birthright to accept your loved-ones bequest. A Genetic disorder is another type, a less appealing form that can not be helped, causing distress amongst those nearest and dearest. Similarly to congenital abnormalities an ex is yet another variation of inheritances, one which materializes long after birth. The good news about the ex is that this is a curable ailment, that when dealt with correctly can be pushed aside and finally: forgotten about... Sigh! 

A nut-job ex is not homogeneous
Not all exes are dragons, a lot of women will move on happily. I can honestly say that I have never been one myself but I can empathize with where they come from. I have lovely friends who I would describe as balanced, kind individuals who have reacted to being scorned in surprising ways. Take my friend who took to hacking into her ex's email account and using the information to cause trouble between him and his current partner. Manipulative? Yes. Crazy? Definitely verging on it. But, in her defense, she was heart-broken and couldn't accept his happiness with someone other than herself. 

What causes an ex to snap?
Here are the top factors that contribute to this irrational phenomenon:
Can't get over it: A very obvious factor, she is still sad and wants him back and finds it difficult to deal with him being with someone else.
Comparing herself: This is a really negative situation that creates jealousy and rage. Rather than focusing on moving on or feeling irritated with her ex. The ex places her anger on the new partner, focusing on physical/personal attributes and a vicious circle of loathing, self-loathing and resentment emerges.
Ego-bashing: This often emerges alongside comparing herself, when the ex starts dwelling and obsessing about why he is with her? Taking his new relationship as a personal attack. It is no longer about being in love with her past partner; it is now the case of a crushed ego! 

Watch out here she comes!
You have met someone great and are happily enjoying this new situation, when out of the blue: the ex rears its ugly head. The ex presents herself in a range of ways, to a variety of effects; however, do not allow yourself to be defeated. Rest assured that the ex is not a permanent feature. Let us take a look at the most common forms of the ex:

The Hanger-oner : This type of ex is probably the least worrying variety, but annoying non the less. The hanger-oner will glue herself onto his friends and family, she is refusing to move on and has made it her mission to remain in his life, while using those closest to him in the process. It is not difficult for a woman to recognize one of these at first glance; unfortunately the same can not be said for him. Men do not deal with guilt well, so rather than facing a situation they will accept it and become oblivious to it. He goes to a party and there she is; lunch out with friends: hello again! In fact he is relieved that she has dealt with the situation so commendably and thinks it is great that everyone is friends. When suddenly, he meets you and things start to change. The ex is no longer sending out such positive vibes, awkward silences appear when she runs from the room in floods of tears. His friends are finding themselves spending far too much time reassuring the ex, while she expels venom. Hang on a second, who is this girl? Isn't this the ex? When reality dawn’s things will naturally adjust, she will move out and you will move in.

The story-teller: Now this lady has an award-winning imagination! Be prepared for a whole host of fabrications and manipulations. She will say whatever it takes to poison what you have: because she wants it! A story-teller needs very little information to create her tales, all it takes is a lie, any kind of lie and she can cause an effect. For example, it gets back to you that he has been asking to get back with her... Begging in fact! But, he is with you, confused?! After the initial shock and horror has passed and you have finally allowed him to explain himself, you realize that there is not an ounce of truth or proof in this story. It has been created for effect and is a silly form of manipulation. Secure and kind people may find this whole situation alien and difficult to deal with, falling into her trap time after time. However, even the most naive individuals will catch on eventually. The most effective way to deal with this situation is to ignore the rumors, ignore her, and eventually they will get bored and move on.

The crazed-nut: A frightening ex, which hopefully you will never have to encounter. Unfortunately these unhinged individuals are much more common than one would hope! The crazed-nut is unable to keep her anguish and frustration inside and has a tendency to lash out verbally as well as physically. Negative text messages and phone calls? Threatening vibes when you are out and about? Physical attacks?? No way! The crazed-nut needs to be put firmly in her place, not by you of course! Sell the b****h out! Contact her family or friends and let them know that she has lost it, if they can't calm her down, call the authorities! This type of extreme behavior can not be accepted. Once dealt with, depending on her degree of crazy, she will get over it and move on or she will be in some form of institution far enough away for you to forget all about her!

Note: These forms of exes are not exclusive to their named category and the behaviors outlined can overlap in a number of ways). 

Fighting your corner... Alone
It has become obvious that there is a bitter ex lurking around your new relationship, she is pulling out the punches, and you are feeling the impact. It is clear as crystal, but, he can't see it! Frustrating is the word! Don't let this get the better of your relationship there are important aspects that MUST be taken into consideration:

To start off, you must make allowances for the fact that he has been in a relationship with this woman and therefore at one stage they shared strong feelings for each other. He is still going to care for her and will try and ignore any negativity that comes out of it. Men want an easy life, so if they can sweep something under the carpet they will.

Often he will only see how he is being affected by the situation, if he can handle it then that is all there is to it, because it is HIS past relationship he sees it as something that involves him only, it may take him a while to pick up on the fact that it also has an affect on YOU.

He does not recognize her behavior. He was in a relationship with the ex and had a certain opinion of her, hopefully a good one. Now that she has become his ex, new sides are emerging that he has not got to working out yet. Unfortunately, at times you could end up baring the brunt of this. For example, his ex is a story-teller and is kindly informing him of things that she has "heard" about you. At this point in time he knows his ex better than he knows you. He isn't aware that she is a desperate manipulator (or he would never have been with her in the first place!) Thankfully, this is short-lived, things will eventually unravel and the truth becomes obvious. The outcome is that you two are now closer than ever, and the ex has been firmly placed out of the picture. 

A negative ex is a positive symbol
This may seem like an odd outlook, but if you take the time to asses the situation you will find that a bitter woman is spawned by the loss of a good man. No woman in her right mind will mourn something rotten. Women that have been treated badly do not begrudge their successor. For example, you have got out of a bad relationship, you are not going to return and haunt him, and instead you will happily leave the situation and concentrate on getting on with your life. When a lady becomes stuck in the past and is desperate to ruin his future it is because she knows that she has lost something great and it is fear that makes her lose sight. So, next time she starts to get under your skin, think about why and pat yourself on the back for bagging a good one!

Next time you are at the early stages of a new relationship and out she pops, do not feel defeated or sad, leave her to fight her own demons. Whatever you do, never and I mean never, let yourself turn into the ex-girlfriend from hell! You are bigger and better than this, stay positive and move forward to bigger and better things... 

About the Author : This is a Guest Post from Miss A is the social media consultant for Kranich's jewelers, providers of Mothers Rings and much more!

Customized Weddings – How to do things your way, on your Budget

There's something ridiculous and slightly insulting about the idea that a wedding has to look like a magazine cover. After all, who's getting married, you or the advertisers? There's almost nothing worse than a "Brand X" wedding, conducted at hideous expense, and completely devoid of character. This is the Day of Days, and its not an off-the- rack event.

Anyone would think that there was some sort of law requiring newlyweds to put up with unbelievable prices, third-rate catering and getting gouged on a daily basis for even the most minimal requirements of their wedding. It's actually quite easy to create your own beautiful wedding, without people removing your bone marrow in the process.

Customized weddings are very easy to organize. These aren't "DIY" weddings. Customized weddings are based on giving control back to the wedding organizers and providing as many good options as possible for wedding planners. It is actually pretty easy to organize a wedding, and save a fortune while you're at it. 

Custom Weddings, Basics

Having control means controlling costs and controlling quality. Wedding planners operate on a strictly controlled budget, and so can you. It's really quite easy to pin down costs, when you know how.

The basic elements of a custom wedding are: 

Location: You can hold your wedding anywhere you feel like holding it, and that includes the reception. You can choose the most beautiful, meaningful place to hold your wedding ceremony and in many cases there is no cost at all involved apart from the cost of getting there. Marriage celebrants are usually pretty flexible, and unless you want to conduct your wedding vows while hang gliding, there should be no problem. 

Wedding guest numbers: The number of wedding guests is actually one of the main costs of holding a wedding. This number is scalable, and to avoid hurting anyone's feelings you can invite people left out of the ceremony to the reception. As a matter of fact, for the best effect, inviting fewer people is usually much better idea. Having a "wedding in a crowd" can be unnerving experience, and the bride and groom it rushed off their feet talking to large numbers of people. 

Catering: Catering really does not have to cost a fortune. Some of the most expensive catering is also some of the worst. If you've ever seen one of those "wedding dinners" in which a tadpole and a sprig of parsley are referred to as a meal, you'll appreciate exactly how much of a rip-off this type of catering actually is. Any competent caterer can provide good food and plenty of it, at reasonable prices. Shop around until you have pinned down exact costs and quality of food and drink. 

Wedding Dresses: One of the greatest wedding myths of all time is the one which says the bride must go broke to have a decent wedding dress. That's simply ridiculous. Any professional dressmaker can produce a perfectly good wedding dress, designed to your tastes, at a reasonable price, using the materials you want. The same applies to the dresses for bridesmaids.

Weddings are personal. So are the costs and quality issues. Just remember – You are entitled to get what you want. You don't have to settle for anything less.

Is Sibling Comparison that Bad? Sibling Rivalry and Differential Parental Treatment

Many of us as children have been victims of sibling comparison and partiality from Parents. Comparing one child to another or treating one kid differently from the other increases sibling rivalry as hostility is created in the mind of the child who feels inferior because of the unfair comparison. Each child is different and has both positives and negatives. By proper motivation and encouragement even the negatives can be turned into positives. But when a child is put down in front of the other it can not only poison the sibling relationship but also make the kid feel worthless, neglected and inferior. Many parents who do such comparisons are not aware of the effects of sibling comparison and do it because of their false notion that it is a good way to set a kid right. But the truth is such comparisons can make the affected child to nurture feelings of jealousy, anger and hatred towards the parents and the sibling who got the special treatment. So it is very important that sibling have to be treated fairly and not shown partiality.

Are you always praising one kid and insulting or putting down the other?
Do you put down your kid in front of his sibling or others by pointing out his negatives?
Do you pamper your younger child while you are strict with your older one?
Do you show discrimination based on gender of the children?

If the answer is ‘Yes’ to the Questions it’s time to stop right now before it is too late. Many times Sibling comparison or differential parental treatment can lead kids to getting into bad habits like drinking, drugs, stealing etc. It is the duty as Parents to show the child his or her mistakes and correct them but it should be done in a tactful manner that he or she does not feel inferior. Unfair comparisons to a sibling can also make a kid stop trying to better themselves when they find it difficult to live up to the accomplishment of the siblings. Many children do not forget the Parenting mistakes and hurt experienced in childhood even after they become adults and seek revenge or keep grudge on Parents or sibling. So as Parents it is best to eliminate comparison between kids and help them develop a positive and strong bonding with the sibling. Parents should remember that when they call a child ‘bad’ and ‘useless’ in front of a sibling or others they are actually encouraging the child to be really bad and useless.

How to Stay Connected to Friends

Staying in touch with friends on the Internet has never been easier! You can email, instant message, blog, voice chat, video chat, tweet or vlog. Even if you’re new to the World Wide Web or simply looking for another method of digital communication, you have plenty of options to choose from.

Email is a simple and clean way to send digital letters to all of your friends. You usually log on to your email server’s homepage to check your email, but there are programs to get faster access and added security. Email programs allow you to easily and quickly check your email because they save your log in information and log you in automatically.

Outlook Express: Microsoft's built in email management program. It gives you all the basics of security and email HTML editing. It comes with Internet Explorer and later versions of Windows such as Vista.

Thunderbird: Thunderbird not only adds a wall of protection around your email, it has a built in junk-mail filter that people rave about. It also protects you from phishing websites and messages that try to gather your personal information.

Instant Messaging programs are great. You can chat back and forth with friends and contacts in a live chat. It's faster than email, but requires that your friends be online and in your contacts list. Most IM programs come with a large collection of smiley face icons but the newer versions have built in voice and video chat features so you aren't limited to just a smiley to express yourself.

Yahoo Instant Messenger: One of the classier IM programs, it’s been around this long for a good reason; it's very clean and user-friendly. It has a great contact list and while you chat, you can challenge a friend to play games.

Pidgin: Pidgin is more versatile than other chat programs because it can combine your contacts from a lot of other IM programs into one. If one friend uses Yahoo while the other is stubborn and uses AOL – you can still chat with them both at the same time in Pidgin! Its cross-program chat features are some of the best.

Blogging is like owning your own news website because you can post whatever you like -- from pictures to plain old text. Blogs can be about whatever topic you want too! You can make a blog about your dog, your favorite recipes, cars or anything else you can think of. You're reading this on a blog right now. Vlogging is just like blogging only in video form! A lot of vloggers use YouTube to host their videos, which they then link to on their blog site. It's a great way to explain your feelings or show someone how to do something that might be hard to explain in writing.

The most popular and largest communication method on the net aside from blogs is the world of social networking websites. Massive monsters like MySpace, Facebook, Twitter and others allow you to track thousands of contacts, friends and family in one place, play games and find people you forgot you knew. Each has its own learning curve, but they are all worth it!

About the Author : This is a Guest Post from Amy Silver,a Public Health student who loves her dogs and finding a good deal. She's recently started blogging and you can find her at twitter.com/amyjsilver.

Katie holmes wallpaper

Katie holmes wallpaper