Loving someone who doesn't want you

When someone doesn’t want you – Art Garfunkel

She doesn't want me, she doesn't care,

I've tried so hard to let her know, but she doesn't see me there.

What else can I do When Someone Doesn't Want You?

The picture's painted, I've been denied,

The artist couldn't fit me in, there wasn't room for me inside.

What else can I do When Someone Doesn't Want You?

All of us want to be loved, appreciated and respected. One of the hardest things in life, is to be caught up in a one-sided relationship. You feel that you do all the giving, and you get nothing back in return. You feel the passion, your heart skips a beat every time you look at your loved one, but they feel nothing. A one-sided love affair is soul destroying, it consumes you like a cancer, making you depressed, lowering your self-esteem. You feel worthless. So then, why do we do it? Why do we stay in a relationship where our love isn’t reciprocated? Why do we stay with a serial cheater?

The simple answer is that many of us believe that if we love someone enough, then we’ll win them over. Convert them to our side of the fence. We might buy them gifts, agree with everything they say even when we know they are wrong; or start to like the things they like in an attempt to be their soul mate. Sorry guys, it ain’t ever going to happen. There’s a reason why you guys are only friends and nothing more. Sometimes, they might just view you as an acquaintance, rather than a best friend. Or even worse, they think of you as a bad habit that they can’t shake. But one thing’s for sure, if you keep trying to demonstrate your love for them in a valiant attempt to win them over; you’ll come across as needy and not emotionally independent.

Most of us get irritated and annoyed by needy people. Life is too busy and we just can’t be bothered. So, what do we do? We treat them badly to try and make them ‘un-love’ us. If you set yourself up as a doormat, then people will wipe their dirty shoes on you. Is that what you want for yourself?

If you are stuck in a one-sided relationship, my advice is this. Stop trying so hard to win them over. Don’t act desperate and needy. Distance yourself a little, become emotionally independent, act like you don’t need their love. Respect yourself, love yourself, and if necessary, move on. There is someone out there, besides your mother, who’ll love you for who you are. If you stay stuck in a one-sided relationship, you’ll create unnecessary stress upon yourself, as you try whatever you can to impress the other person. Forget about impressing them, impress yourself. Be emotionally strong and self-sufficient, and who knows, the person you love might be so blown away with the new you, that they might start pursuing you. If that happens, play it cool and reel them in slowly like a fisherman who’s hooked himself a big fish. I wish you all the best in life and love!

Cindy

This is a Guest Post from Cindy Vine. She is a teacher and writer currently living in Tanzania at the foot of Kilimanjaro. She has written a self-help book on relationships called Fear, Phobias and Frozen Feet which is available on Amazon.com. Cindy’s fiction books deal with both family dramas and abusive relationships. Stop the world, I need to pee! The Case of Billy B and her latest book, Not Telling. All are available on Amazon.com. You can follow Cindy’s blogs on http://cindy-vine.blogspot.com; http://cindyvinesrelationshipadvice.blogspot.com or find out more about Cindy Vine and her books on http://cindyvine.com.

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