Divorce of a Generation

No one gets married with the expectation that they will divorce. While overall divorce rates continue to drop, young marriage divorce rates are increasing.  For the fourth straight year, the 20-something demographic had the highest rate of divorce out of any other age group. There’s even a name for it – the “Starter Marriage.”

There is a trend of dismisiveness. High profile marriages of celebrities and their own dismissive attitudes contribute to the whole, certainly. Anyone, including those young twenty somethings, will come through divorce with scars. They represent the consequences of a young marriage ending. They carry that baggage throughout their life and future relationships. If there are children in the relationship, they now have to face single parenthood (as well as attempting to be role models for healthy relationships.) The social stigma of divorce has dissipated, but many of the young divorcees are reporting feeling shame.  Civitas, a think tank, took a survey that gauged young people’s attitudes and ideas towards marriage. They found that 76% of those aged 20 to 24 were strongly in favor of marriage.  Part of the pull of marriage is the fact that these people are a product of divorce. They idealize what could have been, but also see divorce as a way out, also exampled for them. Wanting to do things different than your parents could be a good thing, but it is not a reason to get married and it is not the way to stay married.  It sets a couple up for failed expectations, exacerbated by celebrity marriages, divorces, and attitudes.

When the parents and grandparents of these 20-somethings got married and created families, they had vast familial and societal networks. They had the support necessary to build relationships and sustain them. There was life experience in those networks, along with examples of what worked and didn’t.  Today, society is more fragmented, and those examples just aren’t there. What’s the answer?  Many of these 20-somethings just don’t have enough life experience to know what they want, much less how to sustain a we. Some young marriages do stay together, so that is only a part of the problem.  Certainly one answer would be premarital and marital counseling. That could take up where the lack societal examples leave off. Another solution may be a break period before a divorce can happen. Perhaps jumping into divorce is the problem and a cooling off period would be a relationship saver.

The truth is relationships and marriage are hard work. We need to teach the current (and future) generations how to do the work.

This is a Guest Post from Sarah Harris.Her Wedding Planning Advice is a blog for brides that helps them stress less and enjoy the planning process. If you are looking for the perfect wedding dress, or if you need advice on how to plan a bachelorette party, Wedding Planning Advice has you covered.